No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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