You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
