The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
