Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
