I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"