She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.