she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home