So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
