We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
