This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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