the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
