you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
