oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
