the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
