My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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