Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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