Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
