Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
