what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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