Already got asked if we're dating
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
