the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
