Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
