So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
