his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
