Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
