wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
