my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
