I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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