That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
