sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
