i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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