so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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