We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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