there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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