How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
