2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
