you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
