On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
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My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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