Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
