i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
