I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
