I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am naked and annoyed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
