Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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