Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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