Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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