but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
