My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
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I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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