Porn is love you can see.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
