I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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