My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
