he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
