why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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