Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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