I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
