He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
