Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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