it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
