Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
