Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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