It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have peed in a lot of sinks
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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