I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
