I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
