So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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