I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
