Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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