Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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