Did I show you my penis last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
