i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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