i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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