If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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