The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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