I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
